Self-sabotage is a common behavior that involves sabotaging our own goals and desires. At its core, it involves engaging in actions and behaviors that directly or indirectly sabotage our progress toward our goals and desires. How can we shift our self-talk in a way that leads us to the life that we want?
In this episode, I sit down with Teri Karjala, a Life Transformational Strategist, Speaker, and Author. We delve into the various forms of self-sabotage, examine why we engage in this behavior, and explore strategies for overcoming it. With over 20 years of counseling background, Teri shares her insights and expertise that help us unlock the potential within ourselves.
Join us as we explore and learn how to overcome self-sabotaging and achieve our goals.
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Overcoming Self-Sabotage and Unlocking Your Potential with Teri Karjala
Welcome to Actions Antidotes, your antidote to the mindset that keeps you settling for less. Today I want to talk to you about a term that you probably have already heard called self-sabotage. Self-sabotage is something that I think a lot of people didn’t hear about 15, 20 years ago. At least, I don’t remember hearing about that. But nowadays it’s kind of a common vernacular. It’s what our thoughts are doing to our life’s outcome. And I think we’ve all heard some version of the phrase, “Thoughts create form. Your thoughts are what your life is going to become.” Unfortunately, some studies have shown that up to 80% of all human thoughts can be negative.
My guest today, Teri Karjala — who is the coordinator of Talking with Teri — she has coaching events, as well as a podcast of her own about the subject of how we can reframe our talk, our self-talk, in a way that’s going to lead us to the life that we really want.
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Teri, welcome to the program.
Thank you. It’s so great to be here with you.
It’s wonderful to have you. Can you start by telling us a little bit about Talking with Teri, what you’re all about summarized at a really high level? In essence, what is it?
Yeah, so, it was really an evolution. I used to be a therapist. I was a therapist for 26 years. I built a very successful business. It went owner-independent about nine years ago. And so, back in about 2010 I — actually, even before that, it was really interesting. Because I was telling my social media person at the time. She goes, “What’s your retirement plan?” I was just word vomited on her. I said I’m going to be traveling around the world. I’m going to be sleeping. I’m going to be doing this. It will be called Talking with Teri. She goes, “Oh, my gosh. I love it. You should buy the domains.” I knew I wasn’t ready for it. It was funny, because when I told her that, I was absolutely terrified of public speaking.
Oh, wow. Okay.
That’s how you and I met. I was speaking at an event. So, I’ve come a long way. But it was so funny because, again, I think that the counseling — you have a master’s degree in counseling and have tons and tons of certifications, and things of that nature. That then created the foundation. As I was counseling, I realized that there were faster, easier ways. I started studying with brain researchers and people that talked about how our brain is formed, but also how our thoughts, our behaviors, our habits all get connected inside of our brain. And what is that programming? And so, really looking at how our brains get programmed based on these previous belief systems.
And so, what I’ve found over the time of working in my therapy practice is that there was faster wait. I mean, I had a client one time. I was her 19th therapist. She’s been in therapy for 32 years. I told the person who referred her to — she’s like, “Well, Teri does things differently.” And so, she referred to me, and she started with like, “I want to tell you, my story.” I said, “Well, you know what? Let’s not start there.” She looked at me, like, “What? What are you talking about?” I’m like, obviously, it hasn’t been working because you’ve done it for 32 years. You’ve had 19th therapists, da, da, da. Would you be willing to do something different?” And so, we ended up having six sessions. I started incorporating energy and energy psychology and quantum physics and all this other stuff that was available to all of us. It just was one of those moments where the light bulb went on. It’s like, oh, my gosh, we can do things faster, and we don’t have to sit in that suffering. It serves a purpose.
Once we understand the purpose, we can move through it and release it and really go back and reprogram the brain. Share on XThat started this curiosity, if you will, around helping people in a different way. And so, Talking with Teri was created.
I started speaking. I’m overcoming my own fears, overcoming my own limitations in the process of doing this. Now I’m working with mostly women entrepreneurs. I have a few guys in there as well, but mostly women entrepreneurs that know in their heart of hearts that they’re destined for something more. Meaning, I call them my creative visionaries. They know that they’re ready for something more in their lives, to have a bigger impact. These are the people that are wanting to create the movements. They are ready to have a bigger impact. Whether that’s 50 people, 500 people, 5 million people or 5 billion people, they are ready to be seen and heard in the world. Now, working with these women, I’m all about what are the barriers, the blocks, the baggage that we’ve been carrying that is holding us back? I utilize tools and resources to clear them out, and then actually teach them the tools on how to continue to generate and create long after I’m out of their lives and out of the picture, so that they can continue generating and creating really based on the concepts of law of attraction. It’s really the law of vibration. And so, how do we get in alignment with ourselves so that we can start to attract and become like a human magnet for people? So, that’s where I’m at now. I absolutely love it.
I do do events. I have coaching, group coaching. Then we also do — we have our live event coming up. Then also, we just launched Talking with Teri TV, where we bring in influencers and local celebrities. Now we get to have a platform to really honor people where they’re at and share their message that the people that wanted to have a bigger impact in the world. And really, I’m all about, let’s change the vibration of this planet. As this recording is being done, we understand that the planet right now is in a little bit of a crisis. It feels like it’s been kind of turned upside down. It’s gotten stuck there.
As we do that, as more people really wake up, if you will, to their own potential, their own gifts and talents and really start to move forward with it, what happens is we start to raise the vibration of the planet. And so, that’s the juicy part. It’s raising the collective vibrations of the planet. That’s what I’m all about, and that’s where my passion is.
Well, I don’t know about you. But if I’ve been doing therapy for 32 years and had seen 19 therapists, I’d almost be demanding a different approach. I’d almost be saying, “I am not trying the same thing again. Why would I try the same thing again?”
I did listen to her story. In the last session, she goes, “I didn’t tell you my story. Can I tell you my story?” And I said okay, fine. She told her story in under two minutes. She had this epiphany. She’s like, “Oh, my goodness. This is the first time I shared my story without going into a panic attack.” I actually have gratitude for it. That’s where we all, myself included — for those that know me, I didn’t have an easy childhood, I had multiple adverse situations that I had overcome multiple times in my life. But what I found is that, when we get to a place of gratitude for those things, our mess becomes our message. We can really transform people’s lives in being a leader in that movement.
So, with age. You add age to mess, and you get message vernacularly.
Yes, I love it. I love it. Look at you.
I’ve been trying to get my creative side out a little bit more on some of these things. I was at the Mind, Body, and Spirit expo a couple weekends ago. There was an event about failure. I actually came up with my own acronym. Like, feedback about improving life, undoing regressive emotions. I think it was what I came up with just trying to be creative about things. Now, one thing I think some people listening might not be 100% familiar with is, what do you mean when you say raising the vibration? You talked about raising the collective vibration? Does that mean raising an individual vibration?
Our thoughts, our feelings all have a vibration. Everything on this planet has vibration. Share on XSo, if I pick up my cell phone, my cell phone, if we were to put this under a high-powered microscope, it has a vibration. This pin that I’m picking up, same thing. As humans, we are very much a vibration. And so, we are energy as well. And so, my belief is when we are living in our zone of genius and we wake up, we are excited about what we’re doing, we are in love with what we’re doing, we will vibrate at a higher functioning vibration. We will vibrate from a place of love and gratitude. And so, when we have more people stepping into their brilliance, into their power, they will too be waking up in that place of really just returning back to pure positive energy. When we have more and more people waking up and stepping into that as a collective energy across the world, we actually, as a whole, start to raise the vibration in that way.
Now, a lot of folks that I work with, anyways, they are high-achieving women. But what happens is that they’re more often than not living in fear, living in — you talked about earlier self-sabotage — living in these limited beliefs, in scarcity, in this place of overwhelm. When we’re living in that place, it actually lowers our vibration. And so, where we spend most of our time, and that’s consciously or unconsciously, where are we spending most of our time with our thoughts. Because we have two states of being. We have the primal being, which is the lower vibrational ones that’s in fear, doubt, worry, all of that. Then we have really our powerful living experience. That is where we are just — we’re tapped into the higher frequencies, if you will, of love, gratitude, joy, abundance, all of that. And so, where we are spending most of our time from is where we are vibrationally showing up in the planet. Does that make sense?
Yeah.
And so, your point earlier when we’re talking about self-sabotage, really, self-sabotage is really when we consciously or unconsciously are hindering our success by undermining, if you will, our personal targets, our values, what we’re doing, what we’re creating. That’s usually through the way we’re showing them and what we’re thinking about. How are we feeling about that? Our thoughts and feelings are really two sides of the coin, if you will. If we are consciously telling ourselves, “I’d like to go do this” and then unconsciously we have these scripts that are playing the — as you said earlier, 90% of our thoughts are thoughts that we’ve had the day before or they’re a negative thought. According to the National Science Foundation, we have anywhere from 50 to 60,000 thoughts a day, and only 2,000 of those are conscious. And so, when we think about what’s really running the show, the unconscious programming is running the show.
Just last night, I was on my Facebook live, and I’m talking about how many people I’ve run across that have these targets. Now I use the word targets instead of goals. We have these targets to hit whatever that is for ourselves for the year, for the next six months, for the next quarter, whatever it is. Then we don’t hit it. Then we then say, okay. Then we try again next year. We try again next year, and we try again next year. It’s really fascinating to me how many times I’ve seen people that’s okay and settles for that type of—
Like not meeting the target or goal.
Yeah, and then what happens is unconsciously we can’t do it. I tried it last year, and I can’t do it. And so, oftentimes, whatever that limitation is that we have, we’ll only go so far to achieve it. And so, it’s a kind of thermostat. Our thermostat in our home, we have a set point. One of our set points, that is if I set it for 72 degrees in the house, whether it’s air conditioning or heating, when it gets to that set point, let’s say the air conditioning will shut off and it will maintain that 72. Now, if it goes lower than that, let’s say maybe it’s down to 71, it kicks back on. But it only has that set point. And so, a lot of times we have these unconscious set points where we can only go and do so much. Then if it’s not in our belief system that we can do better than our parents or not in our belief system that we can do better, we will go to that certain point. We’ll self-sabotage and we’ll go back down. And so, that’s what happens when I see these folks that are constantly setting the same intentions, if you will, and the same charts if you will year after year after year. It’s not that they’re not motivated. It’s not that they don’t care. It’s not that they don’t want it. They do. They actually are probably more so than anyone else.
Yeah, for sure.
But what happens is that they keep getting set back by the unconscious limiting beliefs that are stronger than the conscious thoughts.
And so, people who are self-sabotaging probably aren’t consciously trying to self-sabotage. As you said, there are people that are really motivated and driven.
Yes, for the most part, this is unconscious. We can be conscious self-sabotaging. Let me give you an example of that. Let’s say, I’m trying to eat healthier. Then I’m like, well, you know that one cookie. It’s not going to really hurt me that much. Right? We get that kind of like a conscious choice.
I literally just did that before this podcast.
I bet it’s delicious, right?
Well, it sounds gross that cookie. They’re everywhere right now.
Great. I know, right? I always tell people like if you’re going to eat that cookie, enjoy the heck out of it. Enjoy it. A lot of times it is unconscious. It will get pointed out to us. Right now, what’s interesting that’s happening in our planet right now, there is a massive purge of letting go of all the negative belief systems and all that stuff. What happens, we use that as mirror that stood off to the side. Then we could actually choose. Am I going to look in the mirror today and look at myself or not? You know what? I’m not going to. You know what? That’s for the birds. You know what? Forget that. But what’s happened over time is that mirror now is right in front of our face. It’s like two inches from our face. Even though we’re trying to look around it or tried to like — it’s there. It’s in our face. It is glaring us back. And so, now we are being required to look at stuff that we might have been brushing under the rug, avoiding, running from, hiding from. It’s coming up.
The purpose of that, for all the listeners that are going why, it really is letting us in the game of the ongoing Groundhog’s Day. It really is helping you look at it straight on. Once we acknowledge it, once we see it, once we understand it, once we are saying, okay, I can bless and release you, it really is letting it go. It really is helping us transform it. And so, we have a lot of people on this planet, including myself, that are going through tough stuff. It’s here for a reason. It’s here for us to release it finally. And so, that’s the beautiful thing.
Yeah. And so, is what we’re releasing this mental programming that you were talking about before?
I’m using those words interchanging, but it’s really about letting go of those negatives, the negative stories, the belief systems that are no longer serving us. As we are on this planet energetically increasing our energy, it’s showing up more frequently for people. And so, it’s here for us. It’s your first let go of it. I was using this metaphor the other day that I came up with. It’s like we have a big giant vacuum cleaner that’s over the entire planet Earth. It’s sucking up everything. Anything we’re letting go of, and it’s going up. Then somehow, this is like a magic vacuum cleaner. Because what’s happening is it’s transforming it. Then I’m pretty certain that — I don’t know. This is my reality. I’m pretty certain that it’s bringing sprinkles and glitter fairy dust or something. It’s returning it back to the planet in light form energy. Whenever I’m like, oh, that was a tough one, I’m like, okay, I’m just going to let it go to the magical vacuum cleaner and let it go. All right. It’s done.
A magical vacuum cleaner. I’m picturing the types of cartoons people watch on certain substances that some states are decriminalizing and others are not, if you know what I mean.
Yes, but it is really a beautiful time. I do think that we’re going to face some really uncertain times even more so than we already have. So, sorry. What I tell people is that I truly believe that this energy that’s happening for us is really helping us break down old patterns, old systems, old beliefs, what we’ve been going through for the last three years and even further into the future. I joked that — you know the movie Roger Rabbit? It was like the first animation that combined human interaction, right?
Who Framed Roger Rabbit?
Yes, Who Framed Roger. Right. Yeah, that’s it. At New York, with the detective work, it was like the dark energy. It was like the heavy energy. A crime happened. People were arguing and fighting. But then, in the very first scene that he goes to, he drives to Toon Town, there’s a brick wall. Then the brick wall turns into curtains, and it opens up to Toon Town. He drives into Toon Town. In Toon Town, there’s flowers dancing and trees singing. I promise, we are getting there energetically on our planet. Okay. We are going into Toon Town where there is peace and joy and love and an abundance that we can all take in. But that requires some work on our part. It’s not going to happen tomorrow, but it will happen. We’re getting closer and closer to that moment. But that requires all of us to do the deeper work so that we can elevate to that higher vibration. In doing so, a lot of the systems, a lot of the belief systems that we have, have to be transformed.
What are these limiting belief systems that we’re trying to overcome now look like, if anyone out there can remember what the 20th century was like and some of the ways that we all tried to be the same person and things like that?
Well, a limiting belief, it really is just like a state of mind. It’s about what you’re thinking to be true.
The first eight years of our lives are the most profound foundational years of our life. We often will take those negative belief systems from whoever or whatever we picked up from. If you can recall, when we have a negative experience, it has actually more weight than a positive experience. If I told you and your listeners right now to think about when was the last time someone complimented you or said something really nice and loving to you? You’ll think about it, right?
Yeah.
But then, if I asked you when was the last time someone was negative to you, said something hurtful, we can actually recall that negative way faster.
It latches on your mind.
Yes, it becomes an anchor. Then we spend time. We process it. We process it. In the positive things, we’re not necessarily doing that with. We’re like, oh, we hit a success. Yay, pat myself on the back for two seconds, and on to the next, right? But the negative things, they linger a long time. And so, those belief systems that are being created, in childhood especially, have a direct impact. And so, I usually will tell people, with those negative belief systems, they can be boiled down to blank. I am not good enough. I’m not blank enough. I’m not smart enough. I’m not talented enough. I’m not whatever that is. I’m not young enough. I’m not old enough. I’m not. And so, those belief systems then filter out and then become almost like an invisible goggle that we view life through. And so, the choices we make — the business choices we make, the relationship choices we make, the career choices we make — all of that is influenced by this previous programming that does have an impact.
Those limiting beliefs, they have an impact on obviously the self-talk, what are we saying to ourselves when things show up. Share on XI became very masterful. That’s because I tell people in the beginning that I used to be so freaking negative. I was like master leader at the blame game. I’m like everybody is involved. I had mastered it. I was so negative. I was so hard on myself. I remember my parents never had to give me ever any consequences for a grade or anything. Because they’re like, “You were so hard on yourself that we couldn’t even add any more to it.” I was like taking the switch to myself. I was like master at it. And so, I shifted and transformed once I was able to recognize that. Part of that was taking my own responsibility for how I was showing up in what was coming up. It really was doing the deeper work because of those belief systems that felt the one that I was not good enough, that didn’t come from me. That came from my dad. That was not mine. That was his. But when you’re young enough, you don’t know. You can’t separate that. You take that on, and you live your life based on that thing.
I say a lot of folks that, a lot of movers and shakers and high performers, there’s this level of perfectionism that come up, this level of, “I can’t make any mistakes.” I’m a recovering perfectionistic being in recovery, so I can speak to that as well. But it’s really about shifting and understanding that belief system. What happens in our brain is that these neural pathways get created. It says, well, this equals this. It requires us to go reprogram the brain, if you will, to disrupt and disconnect that previous programming, and then say, okay, well, actually what this could mean actually this. Then creating new neural pathways and reinforcing that. Because what happens in the brain is, we have these thoughts. It engages our emotions, and then we will seek out evidence to support or not support that information. That evidence will then go back into that belief system and anchored in even more. And so, whether it’s negative or whether it’s positive, it’s doing the same cycle. We can start to switch that and reframe it, right? Because I had to start looking at the different perspectives. I’m like, wow, maybe the thing that’s happening that’s showing up into my life, what if this is happening for me, not to me? What if this is — oh, gosh, I wonder if I could find a gift in this? Here’s a great little tool for your audience. It’s saying, what’s wrong with this? I will flip it and say what’s right about this? What’s right about this that I’m not getting? That will oftentimes slow us down to start to look for and get curious about what it is that we are actually looking for. It will give you a different perspective on looking at things.
It’s about checking our reality. On the back of the rearview mirror, it says the objects in the mirror may appear closer than they are. What that’s telling us is it’s an altered reality. Even though we’re experiencing this reality in the mirror, we are seeing what we’re seeing. But the mirror is telling us, actually, what you’re seeing is actually not true. And so, often times we have these belief systems that were not true for us. They were true for the other person. Then we took them on. Then we started finding the evidence to support those stories. And so, we back it up for it’s like, gosh, that’s true for me now. There’s a point that the story sort of settled in and getting to a point where it stopped serving us. What happens is, for a lot of us is we try to take it forward. And so, what I’m doing with my hands is trying to move it forward. Now it’s starting to get stuck, and it’s getting sticky. It’s getting difficult. We have these stories that served us.
I truly believe that my belief, I was not good enough. It served me very, very well. Why? Because it became a motivator. I struggled in school. I was dyslexic. I had a learning disability. I was held back in second grade. I had lots of stories around that. But that became a motivator for me to do well. I worked my heinie off. I became a straight A student. That became a motivator. But I did at some point in college, in my bachelor’s degree, it stopped serving me. Because then I was trying to overachieve. I was trying to be a perfectionist. I was trying to like, you know. And then it became anxiety provoking. It became this place where it stopped serving me. It pretty much gave me ulcers. And so, it stopped serving me. So, at that point, it’s like, okay, we got to revamp this. We got to look at this. We got to bless and release. Thank you for serving me in all these years that you served me that way. At some point, as I evolved, I outgrew it. Then we got to look at —
That you need something else.
Yes.
Is that where we are culturally? Because you talked about this idea of a great shift coming up or a spiritual vibrational shift. I’m not sure exactly what word you prefer, but that we had certain things we needed to do in order to survive. Even our negative, our attachment to more negative emotions serve the purpose of keeping us alive back in the days when we need to pay attention to that lying how many times of us over something else.
That still serves us. It still serves us. When we go into fight, flight or freeze, there’s a purpose for that. That’s true for all evolution. Because that keeps us safe as humans. That’s our survival mechanism. That will always continue to serve us. But what has happened over the years and the decades is that we are now humans living in fight, flight, or freeze all the time.
When we don’t need to be.
We don’t need to be. When we get that email, it’s like, boy. There’s a hit of cortisone when I got that negative news here, and I got this. We’ve almost recalibrated ourselves to tolerate more cortisones in our level. And so, people are having adrenal failures and adrenal fatigue and all these other things, which is also contributing to our increased stress and increased — we know that 90% of all ailments in our body is related to stress.
90% of all?
Of ailments like cancers, things that are showing up in our bodies.
Yeah, that seems to take more energy too, when you’re in survival mode as opposed to just blissfully or in-flow at it. You talked about when you’re just in those, like working on something, and really focused and enjoying it.
It’s interesting, because we were talking offline about your new business and what you’re doing. It’s really powerful, because the more that we’re on technology, the more that we get those hits. We’re like, “Oh, we got to compare ourselves to little Sally over here. Oh, I’m on my Instagram. I’m on my Facebook, I’m in my blah, blah, blah.” We’re constantly in that heightened element versus being in a place of calm and ease and disconnecting from that. Because social media has a huge impact of how we view ourselves, of the thought process that we are going through and we’re scrolling through. Because, let’s face it. Most people do not put the most vulnerable parts of themselves. Some do, but most don’t put their most vulnerable thing. So, we’re seeing, oh my gosh, these people have perfect lives. These people have perfect lives. Look at me. My life’s not perfect, right?
Yes, that comparison of our whole selves to someone else’s highlight reel is how I’ve seen it put concisely.
And so, the work that you’re also doing is really profound because it is helping bring awareness to this element. It’s returning yourself back to source energy in a way. It’s returning yourself back into the basics, right? You were joking about having your handwritten notebook paper. I’m so envious of it, because I used to be that way till like my teams at Talking with Teri. We got to have it on technology. That was my favorite. I mean, I still have my planner. Where is my planner right now? My planner is sitting here. I mean, I have my daily planner. I’m writing on it all the time, because there’s things that we can be doing to reset our vibrational standpoint each and every day, so that we are making sure that we’re showing up in our highest and greatest good every morning.
Yeah, I was going to actually ask you about that next. So, you pre-empted my question about what can we do now? Because everyone has their mental subconscious conditioning. Whatever you heard as a kid, whatever you continue to hear now, you probably hear a lot about it on social media. One of the things I was thinking about during that discussion is people’s conditioning to, oh my god, I just got my notification that says I have an email. I may have to respond right away, when really, you don’t have to respond right away. Really, there is time. Same thing with your Slack notifications, or if you still have your social media notifications going. Oh, my gosh. I don’t know how’s your phone anything at this point in time? But yeah, how do we get to that? How do we start to put the better subconscious programming into our minds?
Number one is, it’s really looking at yourself. If we have a body, if we have a heart, and we are in this life experience, we are constantly going to be working on ourselves. We are here to evolve, expand, and grow. And so, that’s a given. Really looking at yourself, and what are you tripping up on? If you’re not able to identify it, seek some support. Seek out somebody that can also come in as an objective to help support you and help you grow. Because if you’re really truly wanting to expand and have a bigger impact — I don’t know about you, but I’ve never been able to do it by myself.
It seems hard.
It is, and you become the Lone Ranger. That’s a whole another conversation. So, that’s really about looking at where are you getting tripped up to, and do you need some support. The second thing that we can also do is tapping back in and asking this simple question. It’s like hand to heart, and you just ask the question. My body, what is it that you’re trying to tell me that I’m refusing to hear? You can use that tool on many different aspects of your life to get that awareness and tap back into — because we’ve been so removed from really tapping back into our intuition, our inner knowing. If you have not found that inner knowing, you can ask the question hand to heart, and you can just ask the question. What is it that I know in my heart of hearts that I’m supposed to be doing? Just give yourself some time because it will come up.
A lot of times, people are afraid to speak it out loud, but they know it. They absolutely know it in their heart of what they're supposed to be doing. Trust that. Honor that. Share on XAnother thing is that I’m a big believer in our morning routine, if you will, actually starts the night before. We can be so much more strategic. We can actually create and generate so much faster if we start our morning routine in the evening. Meaning, in the last 45 minutes of our night, we process information seven times more than we do any other time of day. So, use that last 30, 45 minutes as your time to get centered. I usually will do a meditation. I have some energy brainwaves that help calm my brain as well that I use. I also will do my daily attendance planner. So, I get out and I’m strategic about what is it that I’m creating for the next day. What happens is and when I’m doing that, my brain — my little minions in my brain, I call them — they actually start to go out and start to find the how. Because we often get stuck by the how. So, this is a way in which we can go out and find that information. The brain is doing it while we sleep. Then the next morning, we wake up and like oh, like this person calls me. This is effortless.
Then the last thing that I end up my day is on gratitude. I sit with my gratitude journal. Then I go to bed in a high vibration. I’m allowing my brain to work, if you will, on my desires, on what I’m focused on creating and generating. It’s super easy to me. Then the next morning, I’m reviewing that. Then I’m getting up and then I have a morning routine that complements my evening routine. But then, I’m getting back into the motion of like, okay, now let’s go forward. And so, I think that if we can just start to practice and get in a habit of doing some self-care for ourselves on a regular basis, that can be such a game changer for a lot of people.
Is this the same for anyone? Because I’ve read about different circadian rhythms, and some people that are naturally larks owls late night, early risers. Do some of these people need a different routine, or is this whole 30 to 45 minutes before bed universal?
Universal. I’m a night owl. I used to be a morning person. But then, as age has happened, I’m less of a morning person too. I have a client. She doesn’t start seeing clients until 12 o’clock. So, she has a whole morning. Again, everyone has their different routines, especially as an entrepreneur. The neat thing about that is that we get to set the schedule that makes most sense for us. And so, yes, that’s universal. That process can be done by anyone.
Is your brain preparing to sleep essentially and getting into that alpha or theta state that some people talk about in meditation, or is there something else? How does your brain even know that you’re going to sleep in half an hour, and now I’m going to be more receptive?
Yeah, obviously, your brain is going into different brain states, right? And so, right before, you’re going down into that alpha state. It’s a great opportunity. Then when you wake up in the morning. Especially depending on when you wake up, the veil is a lot lighter early in the morning. We’re talking like three or four in the morning. But also, in the morning, now, sometimes we wake up, and our brain is activated already. So, I’ll do these things called morning pages, where I will then take and just write down all my thoughts. You do it until there’s no more thoughts to give. Sometimes they’re negative. Sometimes they’re positive. Sometimes there’ll be like a little juicy nugget in there, too. And so, when I have that juicy nugget, I do end up writing that on a post-it note and setting that aside. Because these morning pages are not to be read again. They’re not to come back and reference because they’re like a — it’s almost like a dump. It’s like you’re dumping out the negativity. I rip them up and throw them away. They’re not to be referenced again. But that is allowing the brain just to get into a place of reset.
Obviously, yes, we’re playing with the brain and where the brain naturally is. In the morning, obviously, that’s when we’re the most awake and clear. We’re coming out of that almost dreamlike state. And so, it’s a great time for us to do the meditation. I will usually lay in bed. I know some people will say not to do this. I’m a big believer in, you make the rules that resonate with you. But I’ll lay in bed, and I’ll do a meditation in bed because I use a beamer. I lay in bed and do a meditation I before I hop on the bed, so that I’m in my best self.
So, does reprogramming our subconscious mind to a higher vibrational state, to a more positive, more gratitude-oriented set up where we have better subconscious underlying beliefs that set us up for success require separating us from the environments where we’re currently receiving more low vibrational, more negative energy?
What’s really fascinating is when we start to vibrate at a higher rate, we actually raise ourselves on this vibration. What’s interesting is law of attraction says, like attracts like. So, as we do so, we start to attract at a higher vibration. And so, what’s fascinating is, let’s say that we were hanging out with some doom and gloomers. Over time, if we say in our high power, it’s almost like they dissipate. They go away. I give the example that I used to have this friend. They had different lifestyles than I did. They had made different choices. Actually, there’s nothing wrong with that. But it wasn’t in the vibrational alignment. And so, it was kind of interesting that, over time, these folks just kind of like — they just disappeared out of my life, because you are now attracting those higher vibrations.
Now, the trick is that if you’re in that environment and you’re being bombarded — and this too happens with spouses. So, I encourage people. One, if you’re in that environment, you can’t change that person necessarily, but you can change yourself. There are some things that you can do to change the overall outcome of that situation. One is protecting your energy. And so, I encourage people to put on — I do an energy bubble. There’s lots of different ways you could do this. I just imagine that little air bubbles that the little kids blow, I just imagine that I’m stepping into this bubble. Then I allow only love and light to come through that, to that bubble. There’s obviously different ways. There’s probably 10 different ways that you can do energy production, but protecting your energy. I do a little grounding exercise as well just to protect my energy. Then also, if someone is doom and gloomer, and they’re just keep throwing it on, I will honestly in my head — I don’t say this out loud — I will say, oh, interesting point of view that they have this interesting point of their view three times. So, I’m canceling it out so that I’m not taking it on.
Then for me, personally, it’s one thing if it’s a client, and I am helping support them and raise their vibration. It’s a different story. But if it’s a friend or a family member or something, or an acquaintance, or I’m at a networking event, and I don’t have say that, I will often step away from it because it’s not in my alignment. Depending on my role and depending on my responsibilities and the situation, I’ll do so accordingly. But it does, over time, the more you stay in that vibration. It’s been interesting. Because they’ve shown this research that if someone sits down on a park bench, and one person has a negative almost depressive-like symptoms, and another person sits down with them — this is all before pandemic, six feet, whatever. Six feet is you’re still in that energetic bubble of another person. What they saw is that the person will take on within five minutes, take on the energetic symptoms and the qualities of that person that’s depressed within five minutes energetically. So, it’s really powerful that we protect our energy. But two, if we do take on someone’s energy, just like it’s not the end of the world, honestly, there’s a process that you can do. You can just say truth. Does this belong to me? If you get a yes — auditory or visually, or there’s lots of different ways people feel that yes. It’s usually light energy — or no, it’s a heavy energy or no or auditory they hear it, all you have to do is say, return to sender with consciousness. You don’t have to even take on that energy. Especially for empaths, some people will take it on more easily than others. But there’s lots of different practices that we can do to protect our own energy from taking on other people’s energy.
Can it go the other way? Can the more positive energy person change the person around them?
Yes, absolutely. Great question. It’s so funny. Because I have a good friend, and she tends to be more depressive. Her boyfriend at the time was like, “You need to call Teri. You need to call Teri.” She’s just like, “Why is it that you always had me call Teri?” He was like, “I don’t know what it is about this person. But every time we get on the phone, you get off and you’re in high vibration for like a week.” Then you just fiddle down. It was over time when we’ve started to figure this out. I’m like, what it is that? But yes, absolutely. When I’m around certain people, they might be in a funky mood. I’m an extrovert by me being around other people. I get so excited that I might — then like, I’m ready. It infuses me. So, it’s kind of a win-win-win, really, from a vibrational plan. We can actually do that for each other, which is really powerful. You know those people, those people that have the little energies and boundaries that you can plug into. There’s nothing wrong with that. Some people feel guilty, like, “Oh, my gosh, I have my friend. I love hanging out with her because she lifts me up.” There’s nothing wrong with that, because the other person is getting just as much from the interaction as you are. The energetic exchange, and it’s very powerful. Don’t ever feel bad for that.
Is there something people need to do in order to be open to receiving, whether it be messages of gratitude, whether it be these better energetic people into their lives, or whatever opportunities that might come your way if you work on improving your self-talk?
You know, I just think that I come from a place of curiosity. I encourage people, as much as we possibly can, come from a place of curiosity and an openness. Because I think sometimes when we have these blinders on, we are unconsciously shutting down opportunities, possibilities, all of that. So, if we can take away the blinders and just set the intention of really showing up, being open and curious to those experiences, I think it can be a game changer.
And so, some of the questions that I will often share and teach people is called coming from a place of generative questions. That is I’m not a big fan of affirmations. That’s another talk for another day. I’m happy to share that with your audience. But a generative question opens up possibilities. And so, it might be something like, why is it so easy for me to be open and curious about my next stages in my life or my next stages in my business or whatever? Why is it so easy? The brain goes, “I don’t know.” Then these little minions go inside like — then they go to work. Then they will actually activate the reticular activation system, and they will actually show you and direct you. And so, if we’re going to be putting out there some stuff out there, why not allow it to be serving us? Asking a generative question can actually help us open ourselves back up to the possibilities again.
Nice. That’s an awesome technique that we can all bring home to whatever we’re struggling with in life. Just to clarify. For anyone that might be interested in getting a hold of you, attending one of your events, the website is talkingwithteri.com. Right?
Correct, teri.com. Talking with Teri. Yes, come check us out over there. I’ll send you over some links for Talking with Teri TV, as well as our upcoming event as well. And you know what? We were talking a little bit about the morning, AM and PM stuff. So, I’m happy to gift your audience with a free download of my AM and PM routine that goes through all of it on how to create their own routines and that they can really be showing up as their pure, positive being in a maximized way.
That’s awesome. That’s a great way to set intentions for the day, as well as intentions for whatever those minions in your brain are going to work on overnight while you’re just out there sleeping.
I know, right?
I’ll be on the lookout for that. Teri, thank you so much for joining us today on Actions Antidotes, telling us all about how we can — just really to put it in the most concise way — improve our mindsets in a way that is going to make us overcome limiting beliefs, stop self-sabotaging, and reach the level in our lives where we want to go. I would also like to thank everyone out there listening for tuning in, for tuning into this and any other episode of Actions Antidotes. Hope you come back to hear more inspiring stories from people with great pursuits that will help us all get out of the limiting mindsets or the mindset that keeps you settling for less, as I always put it.
Love it. Thank you so much.
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- Talking With Teri Website
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About Teri Karjala
Teri Karjala, is a Transformational Life Strategist, the founder of Talking With Teri Creative Counseling Center. She is the best-selling author of Be The Magic of You: Tools to Transform Your Life with a foreword written by Jack Canfield. She is a Coach with Forbes and has launched her podcast: Talking With Teri is a top 100 podcast featuring various local and national celebrities. She has been featured a many television, podcasts, radio shows, and recently has landed a regular guest on Channel 7 and Fox 21stations.